If you have ever been in such a predicament, you know all too well the feeling of fancy-freedom one moment and then in your mid-merriment enters an intense guttural pain bringing one to a fetal position.
“THE TWINGE OF DOOM”
There was a time as a little girl at a waterpark I was excitedly walking towards the waterside and in my excitement stepped on a HORNET. Twinge of doooooom.
I’ve also experienced “the twinge” deep in my heart. Maybe you felt something similar before… It’s like a of a swirl of sadness, rejection, and hurt. Food poisoning of the soul or a sting to your heart if you will.
I had a moment like that recently. I was out at the park having a jolly old time with my son, laughing and smiling and enters a friend that just a few years prior suddenly unfriended me on social media and also in “real life” for reasons I just never knew because she made it clear by her ignoring me and my attempts at reconciliation that she was done with me. I made peace with that. I forgave her. I prayed for her and asked God to bless her. I assumed the best. I let it go.
In that moment at the park when it hit me who she was, I went from excitement to seeing her to dread. I suddenly felt flush with the embarrassment of rejection and prayed, “God give me courage and the strength to be kind and talk to her if you open the door, even though everything in me wants to pretend I don’t see her.”
And so, I rounded up my godliest Pastor-wife grin, ready to say a warm hello of reconciliation to the unfriender I had now just locked eyes with just a few feet away. And low and behold, just as my lips were transitioning from smile to words, she looked away, and what seemed to be in slow motion, she spun on her toes sparkling with confidence and flipped her hair behind her and she SPEED walked away in the opposite direction. Well, maybe not exactly like that.
As I sat in the cloud of dust from her getaway, I thought, “Maybe she just didn’t see me. I was too slow in gathering my courage. Maybe I try again if she comes back.”
If the truth be told, that 180 degree turn of hers brought back feelings that I didn’t know were there. Yucky feelings that could’ve ruined my day. “Twinge of doom” feelings that pointed to a greater response in me than I was anticipating.
And then it hit me. The twinge. The stinging lies of the enemy trying to pull me down and steal my joy. “Maybe she really just doesn’t like me…maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe I’m just a failure at being a friend.” Lies.
I have taught countless hours on emotional wellness, self-awareness, identity in Christ, rejection, etc. But in that moment, I toyed with those lies. Those lies toyed with me.
Hearing a lie is one thing. Believing a lie is another. We act on what we believe. And at that moment I believed I was a loser. And I felt all twingy doomy.
We left the park, and I couldn’t shake it. I fought back tears. I prayed. I built myself up in truth, I talked to a dear friend about it. And I forgave again. And asked forgiveness for the accusations and offense in my own heart toward her. Because Lord knows, those stored up offenses will turn even the sweetest person into a bitter person. And that gives you wrinkles. I really don’t have time for unnecessary wrinkles.
And so, there has been no sweet resolution to this unfriendly situation. If I run into her again, I’ll be ready and willing to accept her even if she chooses to continue to keep me an un-friend.
I’m keeping my joy. And when God brings her to mind, I will pray He blesses her.
Blesses her really, really good.